Brothers Together
by CBloom2
Summary: Two brothers spending precious time together after the tragic events at the end of last season. Could possible be spoiler if you've not seen the last two episodes- but not very.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I'm back! Thought I would be writing loads after the end of the last season but it all seemed to dry up. I am now on my summer break from work so I'm hopeful that the ideas may start flying into my brain now.**

**So this is set after the tragic events of the final two episodes - a bit of brother time. There might be a hint of angst (come on, wouldn't be one of my stories without it) but I'm hoping that it will read as a day where two brothers hang out together.**

**Big thanks to Annic, for giving me permission to use her idea of leaving letters to read at a later date (do you remember my message from months ago?)**

**As always I own no-one that you recognise just dust them off now and again.**

Brothers Together

Danny Reagan had a day off! Finally, after working non-stop for the last couple of weeks, rounding up the Los Lordes gang and the fallout from that - not to mention trying to be there and help his brother, Jamie, through the trauma of losing his partner...he was so ready for this day off.

So what was Danny going to do on his day off? Sleep through the day? Spend it with Linda and the kids? No...He was going to spend it with his kid brother.

He had discussed it at length with Linda, who had thought that it was a brilliant idea - another way of building those all important bridges with his brother.

The family were still worried about their youngest. He was quiet, withdrawn and after getting a good look at him during the last Reagan Sunday dinner, it was obvious that he wasn't sleeping or looking after himself very well. He'd been off work since Vinny's funeral as he had had some sort of breakdown - but what actually concerned the family the most was that he didn't seem to want to get back to work. Usually if he was off work for any reason, he would be chomping at the bit to get back on the beat - but this Jamie was anything but that - he seemed to have no enthusiasm at all.

Jamie's former training officer had called Danny a few nights ago to discuss Jamie's return to work and Danny had admitted out loud, for the first time, that he wasn't sure if Jamie would make it back at all.

As he stood outside the huge, wooden door to his brothers apartment, Danny drew in a deep breath, steeling himself for what might be waiting on the other side of the door.

He knocked loudly, smiling when he heard the door being unlocked straight away - the door opening to reveal his brother dressed and ready for the day.

"Hey Danny," Jamie greeted as he stepped aside, to allow his brother access.

"Mornin kid. Glad to see you ready and raring to go."

"Well I'm up..." Jamie mumbled.

"Ah come on kid, what could be better than spending some quality time with your awesome big brother?" Danny raised an eyebrow.

"But it's your first day off in weeks...you should be spending it with your family..." Jamie dropped his eyes as he busied himself pouring coffee."Last time I looked, you were part of that family Jamie!" Danny countered.

"Ok...you want some coffee?" Jamie asked quietly, offering him a cup.

Danny gratefully accepted the cup as he watched his younger brother closely. Jamie sat himself down at the breakfast bar, taking slow sips of the warm liquid, totally oblivious of his brothers close scrutiny.

"You sleeping any better?" Danny queried - he hadnt missed the tremors in the younger man's hands when he lifted his cup.

"Yeah, a lot better thanks," Jamie replied, trying to avoid the older man's eyes.

"Hmm" was all Danny said, making Jamie bristle.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, now staring his brother straight in the eye.

Danny sighed, "Nothing kid," he breathed, hoping to stop any argument dead in its tracks.

"No come on Danny - if you've got something to say, just say it! It's not like you to beat about the bush!" The yojnger man snapped, immediately regretting his words, "I'm sorry..." he finished quietly, his eyes dropping once more to the counter top.

"Look Jamie, I don't want to fight, I want us to have a good day together - so let's lay everything out on the table...but I need you to look at me - I'm your brother, not your enemy."

He watched as his younger brother dragged his gaze up to meet his.

"Bottom line kid is that we're all worried about you,"he held up his hand to silence his brothers protests before they started, "It's obvious to us that you're not sleeping properly, and, I mean, I don't blame you, it's been a tough couple of weeks for you - but you barely eat anything or go out - it's like you've given up. Renzulli called me the other day because he couldn't get a hold of you, to ask me if I knew when you were going back to work and I had to tell him that I didn't know..." Danny was aware of the stiffening of his brothers posture at the mention of returning to work, "But what's got me worried the most Jamie, is that you don't seem to care one way or another..."

"So all this let's spend the day together is an intervention then?" Ja ie growled, suddenly not looking forward to spending time with his oldest brother.

Danny shook his head sadly, "No Jamie, it's not. I just wanted you to know my concerns, that's all. Come on, let's go - I've been looking forward to spending today with you all week," he told him as he got up to wash his cup out.

"I'm sorry Danny, I'm being irrational," Jamie offered by way of an olive branch.

"Don't sweat it kid - come on lets have a great day," Danny threw an arm arojnd his brother as they grabbed their jackets and headed out.

A round of golf had been the first idea on Danny's list. Jamie had rolled his eyes at the idea, never really having had any interest in the game. Danny had teased him relentlessly as they headed to the golf course, promising to go easy on him etc. As it turned out, Jamie almost made Danny eat his words, as he ended up being a much better golfer than either of them had realised.

As a way of appeasing his brother, Jamie bought lunch, comprising of one of the best hot dogs in the city (according to Renzulli), washed down with Danny's favourite chocolate milkshake.

They sat in a comfortable silence, eating and watching the world go by, the soft, warm breeze gently blowing through their hair.

Jamie felt some of the tension from the last few days begin to melt away in the breeze. His shoulders seemed to be relaxing, and for the first time since the funeral, he felt a smile forming on his face, "I think I might take up golfing," Jamie commented as he finished his hot dog, "I think I might be good at it...what do you think?"

Danny grunted something inaudible as he scrunched his paper up and threw it into the bin, causing Jamie to chuckle - which was music to Danny's ears.

"Beginners luck," he continued to grumble, knowing it was making Jamie smile, "Besides it's bowling this afternoon kid and you're going down!" Danny cheered up, thinking of the afternoon ahead.

What actually transpired that afternoon was that Jamie kicked his butt at bowling and Danny ended up with a pulled muscle in his back for his trouble.

Jamie gently helped him into the car, after offering to drive, "Come on old man..."

Danny settled himself in the passenger seat in obvious discomfort, but his petulant expression set Jamie off chuckling again, "Laugh it up chuckles...but if my back seizes uo, you'll have to carry me!"

"I'll take you to mine - I've got painkillers and a heat pad that should help - I'll even make dinner if you don't have to rush off!" Jamie offered, feeling slightly guilty for laughing.

"So you're not just content to see me suffer with my back - you're going to try to poison me too!" Danny groused.

"My cooking's not that bad," Jamie defended, "But if you'd rather go home and explain to your wife and children how your little brother wiped the floor with you...as well as the reason behind your pulled muscle...or I can."

Jamie smiled as he drove, listening to his brother complain about his 'pain in the ass little brother'.

Danny had been so frustrated about Jamie winning, thst he had thrown a ball down the alley, in temper, hence the pulled muscle.

They arrived at Jamie's apartment building not a moment to soon for Danny. His back was feeling really sore after sitting in the same position for twenty minutes. Thankfully Jamie had got over his mirth over Danny's condition and set about helping the older man out of the car.

As soon as Danny straightened up his back went into spasm, causing him to wince, "You ok?" Jamie asked, concern clearly evident on his face.

Danny was annoyed with himself. They had been having a great time and, as usual, one moment of madness had caused it all to go pear shaped.

He quickly glanced at his brother and was pleased to see his face looking more relaxed than it had earlier.

"Yeah I'm good, don't worry about me. It's nothing that a couple of painkillers won't put right," he reassured the younger man, disappointed to see his posture tense yet again.

Their journey to the loft apartment was slow going, but the more Danny walked the looser his back began to feel. Unfortunately though, the relaxed mood of earlier seemed to have disappeared. They walked in silence, Jamie's features pinched once more.

**I'm going to finish the chapter here. I was going to do it all in one but looking at how much is left to type it would be one heck of a big one-shot. I'm going to type up the next straight away, but will see what you think of this part first.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed or favourited the first part of this - I can always rely on the Blue Bloods fan to give great feedback. Glad you liked the idea of the boys hanging out together. This part is a little more angsty and a little bit slushy at the end - you'll see what I mean. Hope it doesn't disappoint...**

Jamie opened the door to his apartment, then seemingly from out of nowhere, fell into mother hen mode, " Come and sit down - you better with cushions behind you... no cusions? Do you need a chair with a harder back to it?"

Danny allowed himself a small smile. This was a side of his little brother that he'd not seen before, "I'm ok Jamie...really. I'll sort it out, but some painkillers right about now would be great," he told his brother.

Jamie immediately got to work rifling through his cupboards. He quickly found what he was looking for. He placed the heat pad in the microwave to warm up as he gave the pills to his brother, who took them gratefully. He was actually in a fair amount of discomfort, but he didn't want to let on just how much because he knew that in the frame of mind Jamie was in at the moment, the younger man was bound to blame himself.

He was broken out of his musings by a feeling of warmth radiating through his aching muscles, as Jamie placed the heat pad behind him, "I need to get me one of those," he commented.

"I would've thought that Linda would have got one being a nurse and all," Jamie countered.

"Maybe she has - I don't know," Danny looked sheepish, "Besides, why does a young, fit man like yourself have one of these?"

Jamie shook his head and smiled, "You never chased a perp and been knocked to the floor or pushed down a flight of stairs? Sometimes I come home from a day on the streets and I feel like I'm 70 years old - so it helps. But I guess you detectives are just to good - doesn't affect you the same..." Jamie finished smirking.

Danny took the jibe as it was meant " Sounds about right kid - or we just send the rookies in!" He grinned back.

They sat for another hour chatting about nothing in particular, "Linda ok about you stopping for dinner?" Jamie enquired, concerned that Danny was spending all of his time with him.

"She was fine. She's glad that we are spending some time together," Danny assured him.

Jamie's expression turned wistfil, "I hope I meet someone like her...she's one in a million."

Danny nodded with pride, "I definitely got hit with the lucky stick with her. You'll find someone Jamie, I've no doubt about that," he insisted, feeling his brothers mood change again.

Suddenly, Jamie seemed to mentally shake himself. He jumped up and began preparing dinner, which soon began to smell delicious, causing Danny's stomach to grumble mercilessly, "That smells good," Danny commented as he rose stiffly from his seated position and gingerly perched on one of the high stools against the counter top, watching his little brother expertly make his way round the kitchen, "Never took you for a chef," he said.

Jamie glanced at him, "Made a couple of things for Syd, when she let me, then Vinny came over a couple of times and showed me some of his family specials..." he trailed off, stirring the pasta more vigoursly.

Dinner was extremely enjoyable, "Wow Jamie, that was the best mac and cheese I've ever tasted," Danny complimented as he shovelled in his last mouthful of pasta, "But please don't tell Linda or Erin..."

Jamie sniggered, pleased that his brother had enjoyed it so much.

Once the dishwasher was loaded, the two men retired to the small outdoor terrace to enjoy a beer. The sun was retreating behind the buildings that surrounded Jamie's apartment, but the encroaching night was anything but cold.

Jamie could feel his whole body begin to relax again and soon his eyes were beginning to close. His brothers presence helping the sense of peace that he was feeling.

Danny cast a small glance in his brothers direction, happy to see his features more relaxed. He didn't want to spoil the mood but he had to ask the hard questions, "Jamie, when are you going back to work?" he asked as gently as he could.

He noticed the slight stiffening of his brothers posture, "Come on Jamie talk to me...please..."

Jamie glanced at his brother, trepidation written all over his face. He set his beer bottle down and blew out a long breath, "Truth is Danny, I don't know. I feel so guilty..."

"You did everything you could Jamie," Danny insisted, dismayed at the distress now visible on the younger mans face.

"That's the thing - I know I did everything I could, that I did my best - and I know that Vinny's wound was unsurvivable...but I feel guilty for..." his voice cracked.

"For being alive," Danny finished for him. Jamie turned to face his brother, unshed tears glistening in the dying light, "It's completely natural to feel like that Jamie. Survivors guilt - I remember it well from my days in the Middle East - I get it little brother, I do."

"I know you do Danny," Jamie whispered as he cast his gaze downwards once more, confirming to the older man that there was something else on his brothers mind, "Come on Jamie, what else is going on in that mind of yours?"

"I do want to go back to work - but I don't know if I can be trusted..."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked, confused by his brothers words.

"What if I let it happen again? What if I let my new partner down? I will let the family down again - I can't be trusted! I can't even..."

Danny stared at him, concern and confusion clearly etched on his face. Jamie saw this but averted his eyes - the feeling that he didn't deserve the concern knawing into every brain cell, "Can't even what kid?" Danny prompted gently.

"It's nothing Danny..." Jamie turned away, not wanting his brother to see his tears.

"Oh no kid, you don't get to do that. It's obviously something if it makes you this upset..." Danny watched his brother carefulky, "This is not just about Vinny is it?"

Jamie's head dropped, "Danny, I can't seem to shake the emptiness that I feel inside me. This feels worse than when Joe..." he voice began to crack, " But how can that be? Joe was my brother...God what sort of person does that make me? What kind of brother?"

He leaned forwards with his head in his hands. Although he felt immense relief at finally unloading his thoughts and feelings, he was now apprehensive of his brothers reaction to his confession.

"Jamie, look at me," Danny ordered gently. Jamie didn't dare. He couldn't cope with seeing the disappointment in his brothers eyes, " Please Jamie..."

Jamie lifted his gaze to meet Danny's. Much to his surprise, there wasn't anger or disappointment in Danny's expression - it bore understanding, "Jamie, Joe's death was traumatic...but Vinny...Vinny died in your arms after you'd tried to save him...Joe was...was already gone when we found out...the hurt and the pain is the same, its the circumstances that are different. You have coped so well with all this kid. I'm sure I'd have been a wreck in the corner of some bar after going through what you've gone through. You are a credit to this family Jamie, don't ever forget that. You are a brave and selfless man and I'm damn proud that you are my brother and I know that Joe felt the same..." Danny choked out the last few words as long forgotten emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

The tears that had threatened the younger man for so long, finally overflowed - continuing despite Jamie's best efforts. Danny found a tissue and passed it to his brother, leaving his hand on his arm, reaffirming his connection.

A couple of minutes later, the stream of tears ceased, but Danny kept his hand on his brothers arm, "You know its ok to feel like this - and it's ok to talk about it - to any of us - we're all here for you..."

"I know you are...and I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise - just promise me that you'll talk to one of us if you need to," Jamie nodded his agreement.

"You're a great cop Jamie, one of the best and although it's normal to feel anxious after something like this but you have to get back out there...it's the only way!"

Jamie sat quietly for a while as he digested everything that his brother had said - yes, he would call Renzulli in the morning and arrange his return to work.

"Another beer?" Danny interrupted his train of thought.

"Yeah thanks Danny," he replied as he settled himself back in the chair.

The sun had now completely disappeared and the lights and sounds of a New York night filled the balmy air around him. Thankfulky his body began to relax again as he let the atmosphere wash over him. He was relieved to have finally explained his fears and guilt and he was glad it had been to Danny - it had proved to them both that their relationship was getting stronger by the day. Jamie had really enjoyed spending the day with his brother and he hoped that they might be able to do something like this on a regular basis. He was brought out of his thoughts by a bottle appearing in front of his face, "Thanks," he said as he watched the older man lower himself gently into the chair, "How's the back?"

"Well it's still keeping me upright," Danny joked, wanting to keep the mood light.

"That's always a good thing! Seriously, do you need some more pills?"

"Nah I'm good kid, don't worry about me, " Danny replied.

Once again a comfortable silence descended upon them - just content being in each others company.

Suddenly, Danny heard a clink of glass. He glanced to his left to see his brothers eyes closed and his bottle in great danger of being dropped. He gently removed it from Jamie's hand, then nudged him slightly. Jamie's eyes shot open but it seemed to take him a while to focus, "Come on Jamie, time's movin on - let's get you to bed," Danny suggested as he stood slowly and offered his hand to his brother, who took it gratefully, still mindful of the older man's injured back.

"This reminds me of when I was younger...you'd take me up to bed, read me a story...didn't expect you'd be doing it twenty years later..." Jamie commented, a smile gracing his tired features.

"Yeah well don't expect a story," Danny replied as he closed the door behind him. Both men chuckled.

"Yeah, you hear the one about the cop who was scared to go to work..."

"Jamie," Danny warned

"Sorry," the younger man dropped his head in shame.

Danny ruffled his hair, "Go get ready - I'll check that everything's locked up, then you can get straight to sleep."

"You know, I think I might just sleep tonight. I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time...and that's down to you Danny."

"Haven't I always told you what an awesome big brother I am!" Danny smiled as Jamie made his way to his bedroom, shaking his head at his brother's words.

After Jamie had disappeared into his bedroom, Danny quickly text Linda asking her to pick him up as he didn't fancy driving all the way home with his back the way it was, promising to tell her all about it when he got home, hopefully over one of her massages.

When he was satisfied that all the windows and doors were secure, Danny gently knocked on the bedroom door. When he didn't receive an answer, he quietly moved into the room. He stopped short at the sight that met his eyes. Jamie had managed to get his shoes and socks off but his exhaustion had obviously got the better of him because he had basically fallen to the side and was snoring softly, still fully clothed.

Danny smiled fondly. He contemplated, for a moment, taking a photograph for potential bribery in the future, but decided against it...this time.

He strode over and gently picked up Jamie's legs and placed them on the bed so that he could be as comfortable as possible. He managed to grab the top cover and placed it over his sleeping sibling - all the while Jamie never stirred.

Danny stood for a while just watching him sleep, happy to see that some of the lines of anxiety had smoothed out somewhat on his face. He was looking like Jamie again - not some shell of a person.

Danny felt an intense wave of affection for his brother wash over him. He couldn't help himself. He found his feet once again, taking him to his brother's side. He reached down and tentatively placed a hand on his head, "I love you little brother," he whispered, suddenly finding it hard to talk, " And I thank God every day that we didn't lose you," he finished as a single tear snaked its way down his face.

As he turned to leave, he felt a hand grab hold of his wrist, "I love you too Danny," Jamie mumbled, sleepily his eyes cracking open just a little, "Today's been awesome...thanks," he managed before his eyes slipped closed again.

Danny smiled happily, "Yes it has - sleep well kiddo."

As Danny closed the door on his slumbering sibling, he pulled a letter out of his pocket. It was a letter that he had written to Jamie not long after the tragic events at the Bitterman project. Danny was not always the best at conveying his thoughts and feelings, (although after tonight he felt like he could give anyone a run for their money,) especially verbally, but he had needed to tell Jamie how he had felt after that terrible day, so writing a letter seemed the obvious choice.

He laid the letter on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine, knowing that that would be the first place Jamie would head to in the morning. He then made his way to the door, turned off the lights and left his brother to his rest.

**Well that's it! It took some doing. I think the guys might have been slightly out of character, but it's fan fiction - dramatic license and all! **

**I honestly thought that it would be easy to write loads of stories during the 'hellatus' but I'm struggling for ideas - if anyone wants to throw me a seed...just one is all it takes :-) **

**Thanks for reading xx**


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